Breathe
by sbyamibakura
Summary: Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn. Set a week-ish, post Wrestlemania, sequel to Love, Hate, Sex, Pain. Part Three of Duality. No, no, Kevin couldn't be *sad*. That had happened back *then*. After *that* match. He had laid on the mat, sobbing, when Sami had been triumphant, mask back on his face. The culmination of a years worth of pain, of blood, of sweat, of (so many) tears and he had...


By: PhoenixJustice

Disclaimer: The wrestlers own themselves, the gimmicks are owned by WWE/NXT. I only own this story and make no profit from this.

Pairing: Kevin Owens/Sami Zayn.

Setting: A week-ish, post Wrestlemania, sequel to Love, Hate, Sex, Pain.

Summary: No, no, Kevin couldn't be _sad_. That had happened back _then_. After _that_ match. He had laid on the mat, sobbing, when Sami had been triumphant, mask back on his face. The culmination of a years worth of pain, of blood, of sweat, of (so many) tears and he had...

 _Italics are for flashbacks._

Part Three in _Duality_.

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The first thing Kevin says, as they finally stir from their resting place on the floor and start to get dressed, is:

" _Fuck_! _I forgot to wrestle the fucking Miz!"_

He laughs, unable to help himself, shaking his head, feeling a strong wave of fondness move over him and he lets it this time.

"Well, it's only, uh..." He looks down to his wrist, but realizes that he has no watch on; he had been wrestling Cesaro before, after all, so wouldn't have had time to even get a watch.

"...probably not been long enough?" He offers lamely.

Kevin turns to him, staring at him for a moment as if he were a mirage. Then he shakes his head.

"Whatever," Kevin says, as if he didn't care (which Sami knew better.) "It's not like this is a missed opportunity. I've beat the Miz one hundred and fifty thousand times by now. And it's not even for the title anyhow."

"Pretty sure it's been only one hundred and forty nine thousand times by now, Kev."

Kevin snorts at Sami's-intended to be-lame joke. He shrugs a little and starts to put his shirt on. Putting it on-Sami notices, with his back mostly to him. He frowns. Was Kevin really so sensitive about that? Even now?

After _everything_?

 _Surely_ he could tell that Sami liked what he saw. Wasn't that obvious? It was _Kevin_.

It felt like forever that he...well, _forever_. At first, which felt like so long ago (which it was, to be fair), once he had realized where his thoughts had led him, he had done his damndest to forget that thoughts like that ever existed. As if someone like _Kevin_ would or ever could. As if he could ever desire Sami in that way. And then once he had-once Kevin had married, well, Sami had thought that had been the final nail in a coffin that he had always been too afraid to try to open.

He shakes his head a bit, grimacing at himself as he looks down. It wasn't that he was disgusted by what they had done-far from it-but it felt a bit sticky now and there was _no way_ they'd get through the arena without _someone_ seeing him-them-like they were (and _that_ was an explanation that was both too long and something that couldn't be properly explained to anyone that was not one of them.)

He pauses. Married.

Kevin was still married.

He grimaces, rubbing at his head. Then this...? What. What even was this then? It had felt like benediction, like satisfaction, like _forgiveness_. He had, in blood, forgiven Kevin for the past. It had all been written all over Kevin's face; why he had treated Sami that way, years ago, when they had been everything to each other-and Kevin had sealed that tightly shut with a sound of a chair shot that had echoed through Sami's head for years afterwards.

He had taken in all that was Kevin; dark, light, hatred, and even love. So what was... could he really stand to be something _other_ to Kevin? What sort of monster would he be to pull a father away from his children, by way of the father leaving the mother?

Kevin finally turns back to him and stops, as he sees Sami clutching at his head. He is instantly in front of him, grabbing at his arms. His face is both a mixture of anger as well as something softer that instantly has Sami's breath catch in his throat. So many people tried to put Kevin into an easy catigory, only looking at the barest surface. But there were so many layers to him. So many. It had taken Sami a long time to be able to peel at the layers and even _he_ felt like he was just now reaching the center. The center of Kevin's being; dark mixed with a lot more light-and love-than the man probably even realized.

"What?" Kevin asks, in an almost demaning tone. "What is it? Don't tell me that you are-" He grits his teeth, glancing away for a moment, before turning back to look at Sami fiercely. "If you tell me you regret it-"

Sami instantly shakes his head. "No, no." He says quickly. "It's not that. You _know_ that. I couldn't...I couldn't ask for more," He adds, swallowing against his dry throat. "I _couldn't_."

His eyes burn with unshed tears and he does his best to hold them back, trying to wrench one of his arms away from Kevin, so he can wipe at his face, but the other man holds firm. His eyes seem to soften a bit and Sami can't help but gasp as his hands stroke down his arms, the gentleness such a striking contrast from the pleasure-pain they had been giving to each other not so long ago.

 _"Hey, you okay?"_

 _Kevin only gives him the barest of glances. He looked as serious as Sami could remember (and that was saying something.) He shakes his head._

 _"Fine." Kevin mutters. "Just...just thinking."_

 _"Yeah, I know. Me too."_

 _Kevin's head jerks up, looking at Sami._

 _"You are?" Kevin asks him, with something like shock in his tone._

 _Sami looks at him, puzzled. "Uh...yeah? Big tag match coming up? Young Bucks. Kind of a big deal. Why_ _ **wouldn't**_ _I be thinking about it? I'm taking this as seriously as you are!"_

 _"I doubt it." Kevin says under his breath, but Sami doesn't catch it. He speaks louder now. "I know. It's just-after losing_ _ **our**_ _titles," Sami smiles at the emphasis on what Kevin still obviously considered to be theirs, despite the fact that the belts were no longer around their waists. "It's just a lot of pressure, you know?"_

 _"I know." Sami says reassuringly. His mask lay on the table next to them. He hadn't put it on yet, but he had seen Kevin glancing over at it a few times today. He really didn't think he'd forget to put it on or something, did he? He walks over to where Kevin was. He had been sitting only minutes earlier, but had taken to pacing the small locker room, leaving Sami to glance at him in growing concern. It wasn't often Kevin looked so unsure of himself._

 _Kevin looks at him again, but then quickly away again. He jumps when Sami puts his hands on his arms. He starts to rub them reassuringly. It was something they had constantly done for one another, when one of them felt down. Kevin hadn't let him do it as much lately, which had kind of hurt his feelings, but he was letting him do so now so it was alright._

 _Kevin's eyes close and they stand there for a moment like that._

 _"Don't you..." Kevin starts, hoarsely. "Don't you ever want..._ _ **more**_ _?"_

 _Sami looks at him in confusion. "More? How could I ever ask for more, Kev? I'm doing what I love with-with the best friend I could ever, ever ask for. I can't tell you how often I pinched myself when we first started, because it didn't seem like we'd ever be able to do this together-much less get_ _ **this**_ _far together. I couldn't ask for more."_

 _Kevin's eyes open and he looks unsure._

 _"I_ _ **couldn't**_ _." He repeats, wanting to reassure Kevin. Wanting to see him smile. To- He shuts_ _ **those**_ _thoughts down. He was Kevin's friend. That was enough. ((_ _It had to be_ _.))_

"Sami." Kevin says now, pulling him back to the present.

He lets out a low sound in his throat and the tears _do_ fall now, with him unable to stop them.

He couldn't ever go back to that. It would _kill_ him.

"Sami, what is it?" Kevin asks, almost desperately. He looked sad. No, no, Kevin couldn't be _sad_. That had happened back _then_. After _that_ match. He had laid on the mat, sobbing, when Sami had been triumphant, mask back on his face. The culmination of a years worth of pain, of blood, of sweat, of (so many) tears and he had...

That hadn't been tears over losing a match. That had been so much more. So much more.

"Don't." He manages to say, through the tears. " _Please_ don't. Not again." Don't leave me again. I let you go the first time, so you'd be happy, and it destroyed me in ways I never wanted to feel again. If that happens again...

Kevin flinches, as if Sami had struck him. His hands leave Sami's skin now as if burned.

"Do you really think I'd do that again?" He asks, lowly. He looked angry now, but it seemed directly more at himself than at Sami.

"Why wouldn't you? I mean, you're already-" He stops, looking down at Kevin's hands. He grabs one of them, looking down at it in confusion. "Where is it?"

"Where's what?" Kevin says bewilderingly. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

He rubs his fingers over where Kevin's wedding ring had sat. It should have been there, but it wasn't. Nothing but a small pale line showing where the ring had once been on his hand.

"That's-" Kevin starts. Then stops. Then he looks at Sami with what couldn't be misconstrued as anything but _fondness_. "You _idiot_."

Sami hunches a bit, not looking at Kevin, red suffusing his face. "Well, excuse me," He mutters, feeling like his face was on fire. "I mean, I had every right to expect that it'd-well, you know, _be_ there."

Kevin looks a little sad now, but he manages a smile at Sami. Kevin's smiles hadn't been rare, once upon a time; he had seen them time and again. After they'd win a match, or have too many drinks and end up giggling as they'd stumble to their motel beds (or car, if they didn't have enough for a motel room. Wrestling hadn't always been a great paying gig, back then.) When Sami said something that'd make Kevin laugh, his whole face lighting up with it (leaving Sami feeling confusingly breathless, not sure of what he felt back then, only that he would do whatever it took to make him happy like that again.)

"That's over now." He didn't say it in anger, or sadness, or anything else, really. The sadness was still there in his face though. "It was over as soon as I let myself admit to myself-and her-what I...how much I loved you."

He takes the few steps to be in front of Kevin again. Being apart from Kevin again...that was something he couldn't ever do again (even if it would be better for him in the end.) They had circled around each other for an eternity, it felt like. To lose all of that now? When he knew what it meant to finally _be_ with him? Never.

"I'm sorry." He was and he wasn't. It made him feel like both less of a person and _more_ of one. Jealousy could be an ugly thing, after all, sometimes.

"I know." Kevin's eyes seem to say _I understand_ and Sami didn't dispute that fact: Kevin knew him, and would always know him, better than anyone else. His smile this time is different, deeper, more like a half smirk but one that still makes his stomach turn pleasantly anyway. This was _Kevin_.

He leans in for a kiss and Kevin meets him halfway.

Everything.

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They get through most of the back without incident and Sami is about to thank his lucky stars for having luck _for once_ when it, of course, runs out on him.

"Need some help, friend?"

He feels Kevin's back stiffen, where he has his arm around his neck. They both were still in pain and hurting and walking like that was both beneficial to the body (and the mind. Satisfaction.)

"Nothing that _you_ can offer, Wyatt." Kevin growls. At least he doesn't try and throw Sami's arm off him.

Wyatt's laughter was soft in the dark. He could only be barely made out; he was standing somewhere in the shadows between boxes and crates on their left. The rest of the Wyatt Family was nowhere in sight.

"Meant no offense." Wyatt says, genially. "Just wanted to see if you needed anything."

Why Bray Wyatt would want to help them was something he couldn't figure out, only that it most likely wasn't something good. He forstalls Kevin saying something else by squeezing his shoulder.

" _No thank you_." He replies instead. "We're fine, thanks."

"Only offering, friend. Only offering. Perhaps in _another life_ then?"

Bray's laughter echoes behind them as they walk away.

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No one else seemed to notice anything else uh...suspicious. They only noticed the blood. Perhaps because there was so much of it. They had both stopped bleeding long ago, still wrapped up in each other, but it still seemed to shock people.

Though not as much as seeing him and Kevin standing next to one another (and _not_ trying to beat the shit out of one another.)

"What the hell _happened_?" Dolph demands, looking first at Kevin, lingering on him for a moment, then on Sami.

"None of your business, Ziggler." Kevin says shortly. He tries to walk past but Ziggler pushes at him, pushing him back. He hisses. "Touch me again and you'll _wish_ you remembered how having both hands felt."

" _Come_ on then and-"

"Leave them alone."

Instantly Ziggler's hackles raise and Sami turns to see Baron Corbin walking their way. He looked at ease with himself, surprisingly so, considering the situation (and who was there.)

"Butting your nose in where it doesn't belong?" Ziggler says heatedly. "How's about you bring it this way and we'll finish what was started."

Corbin merely smirks in response. He glances at Sami and Kevin, before turning his gaze back to Ziggler. "You don't need to butt in where you're not wanted."

Ziggler's eyes widen. "Says the guy who-" He spits in anger. A few wrestlers start to pull him back as he attempts to go after Corbin. Corbin who merely stands there, continuing to smirk his little smirk at Ziggler.

Corbin turns back to look at them. His gaze was unreadable. He nods.

Kevin nods back at him. Uh...was there something he missed? Some sort of silent agreement between devious-and highly intelligent-minds? Well, he gathered that Corbin was at least on their side, which was something, he supposed.

"Thanks." He says.

Corbin nods and the rest of the people around are too focused on Ziggler and Corbin and _that_ situation to focus on Sami and Kevin any longer and they hurriedly get away.

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"Ugh. If that asshole sticks his nose in where it doesn't belong again-"

"Looks like he'll be too distracted by Corbin for awhile to notice anything else."

Kevin grunts, laying sprawled out on the bed on his back. Sami continues to towel himself down. The fact that they had made it out of the arena without any more incidents was surprising. Though the front desk's face at the hotel as they walk up made up for it. His face had probably been on fire as much as the front desk's face was wide in shock (and probably horror?) Kevin-of course-looks at the man unblinkingly, asks for _"One room. With a nice roomy bed_."

It was hard to say what his emotions had been as he watches the blood swirl down the drain as he showered.

"Good." Kevin says shortly. Ziggler had always gotten on Kevin's nerves, Sami knew, well before they had ever personally fought. He had no problems with the man himself. They had been decent friends, but of course if he ever had to choose between Ziggler and Kevin, well, it was no contest.

He lets Kevin stew like that for a bit (he knew from personal experience that sometimes it was best to let him do so. And to know when to not let him) before heading over to the bed. Kevin stirs, finally getting out of his funk to look up at Sami. Sami stares back. Kevin hadn't gotten into the shower yet (though Sami had protested, saying Kevin could go first if he wished or they could-but no, Kevin had all but shoved him in there.)

He was still covered in dried blood. _Their_ blood. _His_ blood. His blood on Kevin. Marked forever. They were both marked with each other and it'd never come off. The thought was a balm on his soul.

He climbs atop Kevin, ignoring his surprised protest.

"You just took a shower!" Kevin hisses. He doubted that was really what the man was getting up in arms-so he makes sure to press closer against the other man, so he'd _finally_ start to learn that he wasn't going anywhere, that he _liked_ where he was. Liked _who_ he was with.

Kevin's arms hesitantly encircle him. He closes his eyes, taking in the musky smell that was Kevin, mixed with the smell of the copper of their blood.

It felt like home.

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A/N: This is dedicated to mithen, who continually inspires me with her _amazing_ works. If you haven't read her works, read them NOW. Her Torturous Electricity series is heartbreaking and amazing in all the right ways.

I hope that you enjoyed this!

Let me know what you thought! (I always look forward to everyone's reviews!)

-PhoenixJustice


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